Mikelear Fallout

A nuclear blast is an incredible thing.  It blows up huge, unable to be hidden, is seen from far away and is a shocking sight for everyone who would ever see one fired in anger.

However it isn't for a few weeks, or even months, until the real damage and effect of the nuclear blast is realised.  As the fallout (radioactive waste) that was blown high into the atmosphere settles back to earth, possibly thousands of kilometers from the original blast location, and poisons the environment.  

Everyone sees the initial blast, but may not be initially affected by it, but it's the 'unseen' fallout that will change the landscape of the environment it lands on.

In many ways I think that the Mike Guglielmucci situation is much like a nuclear blast.  The initial scandal, all the media coverage and the shock felt world wide was like the huge mushroom cloud shooting the particled remains of Mikes life high into the sky for the whole world to see. However those not in the initial blast area were not really that adversely effected. They saw the cloud, they felt shocked at it's sight, but it didn't change their day to day lives.

However at Recharge I think I realised some of the fallout from Mike's lie settle on me.  The music by Andrew Sercombe was brilliant, it was heartfelt and humble - musically fantastic with great musos playing really really well.  But I struggled to find a place of worship and praise during the music times.

Images of Mike Guglielmucci singing Healer with the oxygen tube were shown world wide.  They were part of the Hillsong DVD. I saw the YouTube video which had the DVD part of that song, which showed Mike, Darlene and others talk about the night Healer was recorded. They all spoke of how they just knew God was working through Mike, that everyone was touched by God acting through him. 

It's pretty obvious now that God would not have been very happy with the lie Mike was highlighting by dedicating his lyrics to the fact God would look after him through his cancer struggle. The simple fact is God was not helping Mike through cancer struggles, because Mike didn't have any.  The words to Healer are pretty good (I wasn't totally blown away with them), but I think God would have felt slightly saddened that night it was recorded that so many people were being dupped. He certainly may have used that night to speak to people in the crowd, or the words of that song to bless the heart of hurting people who have heard it, but I don't think he would honour the act that Mike was actually doing that night. 

So that YouTube vid is a bit of a slap in the face, showing how music can emotionally charge people into believing something is 'from' God, when it's really just something we are creating all by ourselves.

That's the fallout from this situation in my life at the moment.  Suddenly good music makes me question if I'm being spoken to by God, if I'm responding to something in my life that God is pointing out, or if I'm simply being affected by the music and coming up with my own feelings all by myself. 

Music isn't bad, I'm not saying that, I'm not even saying that music is all hype and not worshipful - I'm just saying at the moment I struggle, after being shocked by falsehood, to connect with the worship side of music. 

Playing the drums is different, it is my response to God, something I physically do to show him love - yet I know me doing this may create the emotional effect on someone else in the same way I'm struggling when I'm in a congregation.

Don't know if that makes sense, it confuses me, and I'm not sure what to do about it. But it has caused me to see different ways to emerse myself in God's love and worship him - away from anything musical.

I don't have an answer for it, or know if I'll ever really enjoy big worship music nights again (I enjoy the music, just don't find myself worshiping God like I use to).  I don't know if playing drums in one of those nights is the right thing to do, knowing that I'm worshiping playing the drums, but there may be someone like me in the congregation.

It's all part of the fallout, falling into and changing a part of my life.  Maybe changing it forever, or just a little while.