Learning about marriage

Just out of coincidence I heard two Focus On the Family broadcasts over the last two days.

96.5 play the same broadcast at 10am and 10pm. I worked doing UPS battery testing at RACQ's two main Brisbane sites last night. I finished right on 10pm and hopped in the car just as Dr James Dobson was introducing his show. Then because of my late work last night I got up late this morning, ducked into the Ipswich RACQ branch to fix something and right on 10am hopped in the car to drive into work, hearing the follow on program.

Both were on 'The first 5 years of marriage', revolving around a new book the Focus On the Family counselling crew have put together after their extensive experience in taking calls and dealing with issues in marriages.

As a single guy I kind of wondered how beneficial it was to listen in, but I did anyway - and I kind of wonder if God had somehow woven all these events in the past few days just so I'd be available to hear these messages.

As Dr Dobson and another member of the team took phone calls from people with questions a couple of things really stood out about what a healthy marriage is all about.

• - Today's society (even the 'Christian' society) gives this impression that we will find a 'soul mate' in the sense of once we meet and find that one person they will complete, and just mix into our lives and everything will be grand. The reality is that true love is not about finding someone that just fits with you, it's about working together to become unified and one. You don't just suddenly become 'one', you have to work together and go through some stuff before that will happen. Love keeps you going through good and bad to really create that oneness over time.
• - To have a successful marriage you literally have to give up that Hollywood (or even Preached) version of marriage and really take stoke of what Biblical relationships are like.
• - It's a complete U-Turn on society today. So many people claim 'falling out of love' as a reason for divorce... it's more a case on giving up on love, and not really understanding the full meaning of love that is the cause.
• -Love is all about 'dieing to self'. Just as Christ did for us, a pure love between a man and woman will consist of each of them being willing to die for each other. That means emotionally, as well as physically (maybe not in the sense of jumping in front of a bullet, but more so in giving up something for the other). I think the emotionally one is the key, you have to have a complete change of mindset once you have a wife. Suddenly there is someone else who must be thought of before yourself.
• -Everyone says 'There will be tough times', but that's kind of a blanket statement which doesn't help at all. There are some good books out there (check out http://www.families.org.au/) that really delve into resolving conflict, and what conflict really means in a marriage.

I guess as a single bloke this is all head knowledge with no actual experience. But I think for other single people out there this gives some good advice as well, especially when you think about who it is you may marry. I mean how many single people are out there waiting for God to show them the 'perfect one'! I don't know if God does that too often... but it's through building relationships that you then grow to a point where you can decide to make that commitment to marry start the process of becoming completely unified.

Honestly I think I know a number of girls who at this point could possibly be someone I'd like to take my relationship further, but I think I need to stop waiting for the one to pop up, and maybe just focus not on building a relationship, but just sharing with people over time, and maybe finally one of them will decide that I am someone they'd like to build a unifying relationship with.