My Achilles Heel.

You may remember back in May I mentioned I'd injured my ankle quite badly. Post Here . I've mentioned it on and off when posting about different activities I've been involved in.

Honestly, I think this has been the toughest injury I've ever had to deal with/recover from. I've done a few silly things in my 24 years, like break wrists and collar bones... I even dislocated this same ankle when I was in grade 11. But this time it really took me down. I think mainly because it's been such a long and slow recovery process.

For those who don't know, I did it playing soccer, and due to my busy life, and the fact I thought it was just my generic "I've hurt my ankle" problem, I didn't go to the doctors for about 7 weeks. When going to the docs, I was told I'd torn all 3 ligaments on the outside of my right foot. The doc said I should have been on crutches for at least 3 weeks (when I only used them for 2 days), and that I can't play any contact sports for at least 12 months - and I should consider never playing soccer again.

I did it on the 21st May, and even now I'm still in some pretty intense pain at times. Thankfully I've gotten past the stage of being in constant pain, and just this week I have started jogging again, and was able to join in games at WHY last night.

So 12 weeks of pain and recovery, and totally changing the way I've had to live my life. Stopping soccer was a big thing, and knowing I'll probably never play again was even bigger. I've tried to stay involved in the team, being a lines-man and different things, but I still look out on the field and feel like I'm missing out on being part of the team.

I haven't been able to do much exercise at all, but I've tried to keep active doing really non-stressful stuff.

The biggest thing though has been the emotional drain, caused mainly through not being able to give 100% in things like WHY and the WEC camps I'm involved in. It took a lot of self restraint to say I can't join in most activities, and even though I had that self restraint I started hating myself and my abilities that were forcing me to do this. It wasn't that I wanted to have fun, it's more that I really value the connection you can have with young guys when partaking in something physical. I reckon the best relationship building time with young blokes is through working together, or sometimes even competing against each other in some sort of sport or game.

On WEC camp I had to find other ways to build relationships, and found it in really listening to the guys and having to take the time to give them enough opportunity to share bits of their lives with me. I learnt a lot about my boys, but I also found it took a lot longer to build those friendships to a point where they were willing to share the 'real' stuff in their lives.

At WHY (Whitehill Youth) it's been slightly different. I've had my boys in my group all year, and have already built good relationships with them. Here I've felt like I've been letting the leadership team down. I haven't been able to run or even join in games. Some times I've even had to leave early, just cause I twigged the ankle and been in so much pain I had to go. But mainly cause after 3 months of constant pain, sometimes I just couldn't be bothered doing anything but sitting down cause I wanted no change of causing any pain. Meaning I was no help at all at WHY on those nights, which got me emotionally down, which probably made me even less helpful.

I've felt I've become pretty useless, due to the limitations I've had to place on myself to let my ankle heal. It felt great last night to play some indoor soccer with the guys, even though I was really careful. But just being able to run, and kick a soft ball was so good.
We're going ice skating next week, I'm not sure if I'll be able to do that, but with the progress this week, maybe I will.